Through Eyes of Grace

The words roll off my tongue like I’ve asked them many times. As if I use this question in all of my normal one-on-one encounters. Truth was I had never asked this of anyone before. Not even from myself. Yet here I was, sharing these words with someone I wasn’t yet calling friend:

“So, if I were to ask Jesus to describe you,
what do you think He’d say?”

And the instant it fell from my lips I regretted it. For the look on her face was all I needed to know I’d stepped outside the normal comforts of chit-chat. What was I thinking? She wasn’t ready for that and neither was I.

That moment was a memory I had tucked away deep down for safe keeping, never intending to pull it out again. It was almost forgotten…until she emailed me to tell me she was ready to answer the question I had backpedaled over some time ago.

I’m sure my friend would be more than willing to share her answer for you here. I was going to ask her to do just that. For it is brilliant and in my opinion, a spot on depiction of her. But that voice just behind my ear, the one I feel down deep into my chest won’t let me. It seems I now need to return the favor. I need to answer the question myself.

Let me tell you, looking at yourself through eyes of grace does not come easy. It’s even harder for someone who prefers not to talk about herself, let alone in the 3rd person.

While trying, I realized I really didn’t want to see myself with His perfect vision. I was scared with what I would find. That there really wasn’t much to say… Which is exactly why I have to try.

So, if we were able to hear Jesus describe me; Deep down in the place we don’t bring up in normal chit-chat, this is what I feel He’d say:

My bride Nikki? She’s my beloved. I love her so…
Her heart bleeds compassion,
though she is hesitant to accept it when it’s returned.
Joy comes easy to her when she slows down enough
to look through those sparkling eyes of hers.
She can find beauty in the most obscure things…I love that!
When she lets Me help her, she can be as patient as they come.
Graciously pouring love and forgiveness on those around her.
Her passion pours through her fingers when she plays piano.
I could sit and listen to her play for hours.
And sometimes I do, when she takes the initiative to invite me.
What she tries to pass off as strong will is merely a struggle with self-doubt.
But we’re working on it. And lately, she’s been perceptive.
Oh, she has her Father in her.
I can see His traits when she submits to being who she was made to be.
And when I see her like that, it makes everything worthwhile.
You see, I’d die to save her.
In fact, I did.
And for Nikki? I’d do it all over again.
She’s worth it.
She’s the love of my life.

Friends, I’m struggling with sharing this with you. But this exercise is worth being embarrassed over. I’m sure I don’t have it right–what He would say of me. And that’s okay, I can keep striving. For now, I’ve received but a glimpse of how much He loves me through it, with His eyes of grace. And I so want you to have that, too.

How about you? Will you give it a try? What would Jesus say about you? I’d love to hear.

Thanks for sharing your time with me.

Simply striving,

Nikki