And so I Write

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His baby blue eyes were first to give it away. As he drew back in anticipated regret, I knew. My boy had it, too. I breathed in deep as I witnessed a trait being passed down. And struggled to exhale while realizing he would possibly need to fight this through every season of life.

This fear of failure. This yearning for perfection. This tendency to doubt. It doesn’t matter what you call it, they’re all the same to me.

They all hold you back.

Instinctively I reached for imaginary gloves. What else is a mom to do when she sees something that could hold her child back from his greatest achievements? I began to swing. Throwing punches of encouragement in hopes of knocking this roadblock down.

With my last swing I found myself saying, “With God, all things are possible” and that’s when I felt the blow. Just below the ribs. The Holy Spirit seems to get me in that sweet spot every time.

It blew me back. I wasn’t sure where I was struggling with this at first. But He used the Book of Job as my mirror. For while reading it I discovered what God had been trying to show me:

That I was guilty of what Job was found guilty of. I had my eyes on the issue, not the answer. I was focused on my weakness, not His strength. I was quick to give answers, excuses, defend my position, give up, not ask for help. It doesn’t matter how you look at it, it all means the same.

I had put God in a box. I had confined Him.
Held Him back from working through me.

Once again, my eyes were on me and not where they should be.

I needed to take action and begin erasing proof of my doubts. My self-proclaimed limitations. That which held God back.

The part where I mention I’m not a writer on my welcome page? It’s gone.

You see, that wasn’t for me to proclaim. It seems God has other plans. For He’s asked me to write what I’m striving for. I’m not sure why. I’m not sure for whom. I’m not sure who’s reading, but I am sure it’s happening. I’m writing them down. One-by-one.

And who knows how He’ll use me through this outlet. Maybe I’m the only one that needs to hear these words I find within. To Him, I know that’s enough. I know He’d go to these great lengths just to get closer to me. He pursues me like that. Oh how He loves…

So I’m going to strive to get out-of-the-way. No more limiting what He can do through me. No more clinging to the comforts of doubt.ย  No more proclaiming that which He has not made me yet.

Instead, I will write. I will share what I’m striving for in hopes I bring Him glory. And if others find me along the way and want to join me on this journey, praise God! If we are striving for common goals and can encourage each other, praise God! If these words are intended for me alone, praise God! For it doesn’t matter how you look at it:

He’s worthy of praise.

He’s worth getting out of my comfort zone for.

It’s worth proclaiming that which I can only do through Him.

Friends, God made me a writer.

How about you? What has God done through you lately? How do you stop yourself from putting God in a box? I’d love to hear.

Thanks for sharing your time with me.

Simply striving,

Nikki

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28 thoughts on “And so I Write

  1. Oh, girlfriend, you are so the writer…you bless me whenever I come to visit because you are writing from your heart and your heart loves Him, seeks after Him…love and hugs, Nikki ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Oh, Dolly, I don’t deserve you. So thankful my heart shows through these words I shed. : ) I would have to do this without you here encouraging me, but I’m convinced us finding each other was a God-thing. For you make this journey joyful. You are such a blessing! Love and hugs to you as well, friend!

    • You know me so well, Aurie! I did have a hard time publishing something that seemed this trivial. Applicable to only me. After all, who else would have trouble with this silly little sin?!?
      I have to tell you, I wrote it a few days ago and prayed that was enough. That it could sit in my drafts as my own reminder.
      But God’s glory deserved to be revealed. And I’m so blessed to have Him working through me. I couldn’t do this without Him.
      Even though that publish button seems to be my embarrassment button, I’m going to keep pressing it ๐Ÿ˜‰ For Him.

  2. I’m glad you write. Not only because you do it well and not only because you have something to say, but because it honors God and helps me honor him too. Thank you!

    • You encourage me so, Lisa. Thank you!
      I have to tell you, I had a hard time publishing a post that seemed so trivial…applicable to only me. But God deserves to be taken out of that box publicly, don’t you think?
      To God be the glory.
      So blessed to have you stop by today–thank you!

  3. Isn’t perspective funny…you not a writer? I read here and would never have that thought…I do struggle with this myself…I say it all the time…I am not a writer…maybe almost not getting out of freshman english helped me in my thinking:)…one post at a time…until He says stop…that is what I will do. And to really remember…it’s all done first and foremost to an audience of ONE…all else is the icing…
    Keep writing…keep blessing…

    • Oh, I’m with you, Roseann. One post at a time…until He says stop. And maybe one day I’ll stop asking Him if it’s time to stop ::SMILE::
      I love sharing my heart, don’t get me wrong. It’s just not a comfort zone for me as I imagine it to be for some. But it does help to picture the audience of One. He’s the only One I’m aiming to reach after all.
      You are such an encouragement to me. Thank you so much for sharing! we’ll keep striving together. all for Him.
      Hugs to you!
      ~nikki

  4. Coming over from Write It, Girl – your honesty and your heart blessed me today. Thanks for sharing your heart, and for these words: “So Iโ€™m going to strive to get out-of-the-way. No more limiting what He can do through me.” Something that I need to listen to, too.

    • So thrilled you stopped by, Cherry! Thank you! Yes, that is something I’m going to have to remind myself every day until I begin to get it right. I’m striving…
      So encouraged by your comment. thank you!
      All for Him,
      Nikki

  5. Love that with these words you encourage us all to not hold back — not decide on our terms — whom He has designed us each to be. Let us all step further into that which He sees in us, what He has put in us to do, whether or not we feel we have what it takes. He does! (And, yes, of course, you are a writer! Love your heart and words here!) Thank you, Nikki.

    • So thrilled you stopped by, Jennifer. You bless me so. Yes–striving to remember He has what it takes. I don’t need to worry about the details. With Him, I can do anything…and today? He says we’re going to write. So that’s just what I’ll do.
      May you delight in Him this week, friend.

  6. Hi NIkki, I used to say I wasn’t a writer…until I went to Relevant last fall (now allume). I love what you have written here! My favorite line: “No more limiting what He can do through me. No more clinging to the comforts of doubt.” It is so true…that we try to limit him. Kind of like asking if he needs us to drive!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. So nice to meet you. I followed you on twitter too!

    FYI…my post on Monday, 3/12/2012 was my first book review. I had one other giveaway on my blog for my 100th post.

    • So blessed to have met you today, Mary! Sorry for assuming it was both your first giveaway and review. Regardless, it’s a fantastic review AND giveaway! I shared it!
      (and you’re making me think as I’ll hit my 100th post next week…hadn’t even thought of giveaways yet!)
      Thank you for the twitter follow–I know I’m following you as well. Look forward to reading more of your heart! Thank you for taking the time to read some of mine.
      All for Him,
      Nikki

  7. You know a lot of what He’s been up to in my life. Today, though, it hit a speed bump. Praying hard over it. I tend to put my God in a box when I encounter conflict. Instead of letting Him soothe my soul and reassure me of His truths in my life, I allow it to get me down and then it forces me to have to reclimb out of the pit that He already saved me from. If I could just stop letting Satan trip me to the point of falling down that same pit.

    • Oh, Amy. I’m so sorry you encountered a speed bump today. I’ll be praying with you, friend.
      Father, You know this road Amy is on is less traveled. It’s rough terrain. She’s not going to make it standing up without Your help. Without Your direction, support, encouragement. Lord, she needs to hear Your voice in her ear. Satan has no place here. Make him go in Jesus’ name. For we want to focus on You. Your plan. Your way. I know that’s what Amy wants, Father. Please be her strength. Please be her voice. Please calm her heart. Please continue to lavish Your love upon her. And thank You. in advance. For I know You’re going to do great things through Amy. For Your glory. it’s in Your name I pray for my dear friend, Jesus…Amen.

      • Oh my word. I’m sooo blessed by this friend. I thank you so much for joining me in this prayer. I’m praying that tomorrow would be a new day, a fresh start. Thank you friend. This overwhelms my soul.

        • You are more than welcome, friend. I’m here for you. And our God? He’ll never let you down. Cling to Him. Hold on tight. He knows where this road leads.
          Hugs to you! keep me posted. I’ll keep praying!

  8. Oh, Nikki, your posts are so full of the Spirit, so inspiring. Your writing touches my heart. When reading this, my first thought was Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

    • Oh how I need to cling to that verse, Lisa. Thank you so much for sharing it with me! You are such an encouragement. Thank you so much for making this journey easier on me, friend ; )

  9. You breathe life into me, with every word. For in your seasons of striving I say “yes”, I am there too. I am not alone. Especially because you bring Jesus to these pages to help me understand that He is with me first, and then there are others who have come alongside You are a writer, and you write humbly for His glory! Love you my friend! I hope we get to meet one day. Still waiting to hug your neck!

    • oh I hope we get to meet one day, too, friend! I would have to do this without you, but you make it so much easier. I’m sure God had something to do with that ; ) Thank you for walking this journey with me. You bless me more than you know. Love and hugs to you!

  10. Yes! It’s one of my favorite things when a writer stops discounting her voice. Way to take those words off your disclaimer page, and in humility even, shaking your head at what God has for you. Being open to its unfolding is so important.

    • Thank you, Kim! It’s rather embarrassing admitting my faults in this type of format, but there’s something freeing in bending lower publicly. Showing I can’t do this on my own, for I am far from perfect. To God be all glory…
      What a blessing! Thrilled you stopped by. Thank you!

  11. Oh, the “I’m not a writer” line…. I’ve been fighting that one for a while, too!! But I’m working on it!! Your words were Amazing! YOU are amazing! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I still write looking for affirmation, but I”m working on it! ๐Ÿ™‚ Like when I get a blog post with 50 hits, but not a single comment and I wonder what I said wrong! haha!

    • You’re so sweet, Julie Anne! Thank you for your kind words. It’s probably pathetic, but I find comfort in knowing I’m not the only one who struggles with this! And I get the comment affirmation issue, too. ugh…
      striving to remind myself I really am writing for an audience of One…no matter how much that belittles my pride…and I’m guessing that’s exactly what God is working on… ๐Ÿ˜‰

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