Conforming No More

Do you remember that scene in Runaway Bride where Richard Gere exclaims to Julia Roberts “You don’t even know what kind of eggs you like!” ?

It’s a fairly forgettable movie quote, I’ll admit. But not for me — because I can relate. In more ways than one.

You see, I’ve found comfort in knowing I’m a middle child. It’s been a grand excuse for me and my laid back nature. A peacemaker of sorts. Never rocking the boat, only leveling it out. Conforming to ones needs (within reason). And sometimes I’ve convinced myself it is a gift — to be able to see what is lacking and try to fill in the gap. Most days I find satisfaction in succeeding with this. I often find comfort in knowing I can get along with anyone for I am rather non-opinionated.

But in doing so for so many years, one can lose sight of themselves.
And I fear I have lost sight of me.

For this is what God has been showing me as of late.

Those that have been reading since the beginning might remember THIS POST I wrote about The Danger Zone. The fear of being lukewarm. I’ve been thinking about this and praying about it ever since.

Because I think that’s me.
I’ve been lukewarm.
I’ve held back.

And I’m tired of it.

Friends, I have finally taken the plunge into the deep end. I’ve asked God to refine me. To throw me back on the potter’s wheel. To light that fire within me so lukewarm will be but a memory. And He’s been faithfully responding. I have the growing pains to prove it as He has been revealing the areas we are going to work on. From knowing what kind of eggs I like to how I converse with others — these things are getting an overhaul.

{And you know what? I was right. Being lukewarm is a comfort zone. One that can easily suck you dry if you’re not careful. It almost did me.}

Would you mind if I share more of my journey with you this week? It will help make it more real to me and I’m praying it might encourage someone who needs to hear it. Will you join me?

And I would love it if you would share your journey along the way as well! Why, we can start right now.

How about you? What has God been revealing to you as of late that you might need to refine? I’d love to hear.

And I’ll share more of mine tomorrow.

But first–I don’t want to leave you hanging. There was a time not too long ago I wouldn’t have even been able to tell you which eggs I liked. For knowing something that like wasn’t important to me. I’d just have what you were having. But for the record? I like them with cheese. A simple sandwich with melted cheese or a veggie loaded omelet with cheese. Light on the pepper, please. I will never order over-easy again.

Oh you might as well share. How about you, how do you like your eggs? I’d love to hear.

Thanks for sharing your time with me.

Simply striving,

Nikki

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20 thoughts on “Conforming No More

  1. i’ve had a few different seasons in my life where i’ve rejected who God made me to be because i thought i had to be a different person/act a different way. and to be honest, nikk, one of those seasons involved you. i’ve ALWAYS looked up to you. you were/are someone who i had framed the picture of christianity around. if you know the story of “Gone With the Wind”…you are my Melanie. always humble, ever sweet, constantly encouraging, and as you said…NEVER rocking the boat. i am very opinionated and get fired up easily. i, too, am indecisive, but that is because i fear making the wrong decision. my perfectionism has stunted my personal growth in so many ways. ugh. i haven’t so much wanted to become more decisive, but rather, to learn to accept either choice as being okay…that would be a huge step for me. and subconsiously for a time i felt i needed to change my ways to be more like you to be “more christian”. . i know, i know. silly, right? but when you are doubting your own self worth, accepting the wonder God made you to be is near impossible. this is something God is refining in me and has been for some time now. everyday i have to fight off the voice of the serpent whispering little lies “you’re not doing enough”, “you don’t have anything special to give”, “you think you’re gonna wear that? not unless you lose another 10 pounds”….etc…. learning to accept my glorious worth has been terribly difficult, but with the help of the Word, i am getting there. Jeremiah 1:5 is a verse i am clinging to. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” He knows my inner-most self and values that so much that He set me apart and has a divine appointment for me – a task specific to me that only i can do. i also love this random quote i read somewhere, “you are one of a kind, designed to glorify God as only you can.” He loves me just because i am me. i’m getting it…little by little. 🙂

    and…i like my eggs scrambled…with onions/peppers/ham/cheese. not in a solid chunk like an omelet, but scrambled up. i know…i could just chop up the omelet myself, but i just don’t like it that way. and i accept that. 🙂

    • Oh Ginger. Makes me want to bleed tears to know I wasn’t the example I could have been for you. (I felt like that long before you shared this lovely note with me). I thank you so much for sharing your heart with me. Regardless of how different God has made us, we are both ultimately striving for the same thing: To be all that God has made us to be.
      It’s funny to me that the serpent tells you the same thing he tells me…makes me think he’s not so creative after all! 😉

      I love your quotes you shared and your verse. Thank you for encouraging me while sharing with me how you’re striving. We can do this together. Our own way. In our own time. Together. Oh yes we can!

      and honestly? I like the taste of scrambled, too. Just a tad too mess for me! hehe aren’t I ridiculous?!? 🙂

      • i’m sure you already know this, but in NO way was i trying to put any guilt on you. this was my own faulty thinking. more of the serpent’s lies which i had bought into. (and i agree, he doesn’t seem so creative anymore!) 😀 instead i am learning to identify what makes me different/special and celebrating those things. that special combination of characteristics were given me for a reason. after accepting this then all i have to do is find ways to utilize my gifts for His glory and not waste time thinking i should be different. its easier said than done, but the more i say it, the more it will sink in. 🙂

        thank you for being so brave to become so vulnerable and share your story with…well…everyone! truly not an easy thing to do, but its certainly for a reason that He has you doing this. sharing your testimony is a mighty work for the Kingdom for as it says in revelations, “they triumphed over him (satan) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony…” keep going, nikki! so proud of you!! love you!!!

        • Thank you, Ginger, for being my personal cheerleader! 😉 I do know you were not trying to place any guilt. I just want you to know I failed, too. Let’s just keep striving together to prevail for His glory!
          and I’m hoping this sharing gets easier and easier because my goodness am I having a time transforming my thoughts into words then into sentences! Thanks for standing by me while I keep striving! love you, too!

  2. I love that part of Pretty Woman, it stuck out to me too- I like my eggs over hard. 🙂

    Good for you sharing your journey with us! 🙂 I’m the oldest child and my personality is to smooth everything over and make sure it’s all okay. I’ve been known to do so at the detriment of myself…a perpetual people pleaser. While that can be a gifting too, I have to walk a fine line between that and forgetting to fill my tank.

    God’s been showing me all sorts of good things about myself, and while that refining fire is so good…I’m finding this to be really exhausting too. Blessings on your journey!!

    • Thank you so much for your comment, Jennifer! (and are we related? My goodness — I get you. I really do).
      Forgetting to fill my tank. . . . yes. this. this is something I struggle with, too.

      It is exhausting to grow like this, isn’t it. You’ll be in my thoughts as we journey through this refining fire!

      To God be the glory!!

      (and I like that you don’t like runny yolks, either.) 🙂

  3. I can so relate to this! I had one sibling growing up who had some extra challenges and who could be very difficult, and there was often drama at home related to it. I tended to be the peacemaker and the easygoing child as a result, so it took me years to learn how to stop the conforming routine.

    And for the record, I like my eggs over medium, with toast to sop them up, though eggs scrambled with cheese and mushrooms are also good.

    • Thanks for stopping by, Amy! It’s probably pretty sad, but there is some comfort in knowing I’m not alone in this! Would love to hear how you got passed it if you have any tips to share. Regardless, at least I know it can be done!

      mushrooms with the cheese are a huge bonus for me with my eggs! And I’ve decided if I’m going to have them over medium, I want them right in the bread. What do they call that…..egg in a nest? well, ’round these parts I think that’s what they call them! 😉

  4. Hi Nikki,
    What a great post today! God led me WAY outside my comfort zone last year when He led me to start an online Bible study. First, I’d never led a study, and second, I’d never blogged and wasn’t into social media like Twitter & FB. I was really dragging my heels with getting into social media, so I think God must have a sense of humor moving me into this area. 🙂 I’d always wanted to write, but never imagined it would be for His Kingdom! And I love it! Besides my own blog I’m also a contributor for 5 Minutes for Faith.com. And it hasn’t even been a full year since all of this started. Amazing! Through it all, He’s been refining me – some of it hasn’t been pleasant – but it helps to know He has a purpose for it!

    I like scrambled eggs with cheese and omelets, also with cheese. No cheese, no eggs for me.

    Thanks and God Bless!
    In Christ,
    Laura

    • Oh, Laura. I’m so glad you followed God’s lead into social media! I know exactly what you’re talking about here. It took me a long time to start this blog (which God had been asking me to do). And now, I realize it’s just so much easier to follow His lead no matter how clueless I feel 🙂
      (It’s only been 3 months for me here….I can’t wait to see what He has in store for me over the next year! )

      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and bless me today!

  5. So happy to get to know you better, Nikki and how you like your eggs! This is such great work that God and you are doing together even though it is so hard… as for how I like my eggs…it really depends on my mood…seriously 🙂 Hugs to you!

    • I love that it depends on your mood, Dolly! That tells me you know yourself well enough to make that decision on the spot! 🙂

      This journey is so much easier with you encouraging me along the way. I value our blogging friendship 😉 Thank you!

  6. Hey Nikki, good for you! everyone should know how they like their eggs. I like mine over easy! As a kid I thought that there was only 3 min. boil, and hard boiled. then in collegee, when we travel on the road for track meets, I found a whole new world of ways to cook eggs. It was great!

    That is the way it is when we travel with our Lord and Savoir. We find out a lot about Him and a lot about ourselves, if we are willing to listen to Him, then obey Him. For myself, He calls me out of my comfort zone alot. I’m very nervous going through it, then on the other side, when I’m finished with the task, I see His hand leading and guiding me, giving me His strenght and wisdom. What a wonderful feeling.

    But about my daughter, God has blessed you with a wonderful gift of writting, a wonderful gift of music, and a wonderful way of expressing youself. The changle really could be to combine all of these gifts? Just a thought!

    2 weekends ago, I almost called you and Joe up to help lead worship at a church that I was asked to help the pastor out, they needed to go to Iowa and take care of family matters on short notice. Her mother had a heart attack. Then this past weekend another church’s panio player toke sick at the last minute, and they had no one else to play their panio. Both of these times my thoughts went right to my gifted daughter and her many talents that God has blessed her with.

    Having the attitude that we want to be used by God, is really good! then the next step is being able to turn the good intention into action when He calls us. I believe that you are doing this. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

    • Thanks for taking the time to comment and encourage me, Dad!
      That’s exactly right–if we are willing to listen and obey Him. . . The possibilities of both are endless! More than I ever imagined.

      (and you are too kind with your compliments. thank you.) 🙂

      To God be the glory!

  7. What a great post Nikki. God have been really loving and have been showing me a lot of good things about myself…and filling my cup to overflowing!

    Can’t wait to hear more from you about this journey.

    As for how I like my eggs, really depends on my mood for the day 🙂

    • I’m so glad to hear your cup is overflowing, Charina! What a blessing!

      And I admire those that can decide how they like their eggs depending on their mood. 😉

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing with me!

  8. So many changes… so many things to refine. I guess the thing that’s on my heart at the moment is deep roots of resentment. I never thought I was one to hold things against people, but God has revealed that I do. When I’m hurt by someone, I plant a seed of bitterness, and before I know it, it’s grown strong and deep. I can’t fix this one- only He can. A constant prayer.

    Eggs- boring and scrambled. 🙂 But hubby bought bacon bits and shredded cheese last week, and I’m definitely loving those little additions!

    I’m so ready to read more this week!!!

    • Isn’t it amazing what God reveals when we actually stop to listen? So glad you’ve begun that journey of prayer, friend.
      And thank you for sharing some of your heart with me.

      {and Things just always seem to be better with cheese, don’t they! 🙂 }

  9. God is stirring my heart through this post. I am not the middle child, but the middle girl. Out of 5, I am number 4. But I also felt lost in translation among my older/younger brothers and sisters. I was the one taking care of everyone, and today, that is still me. I think I need to hear more of your story and then maybe I will share some more of mine.

    I like my eggs sunny side up, with a side of hash browns and lots of pepper!

    • Thank you, Barbie, for sharing with me! I’ll be honest…I’m having a hard time sharing it, but I’m striving. And I’m confident a little at a time, I’ll get there.

      lost in translation. what a brilliant way to describe it.

      And oh yes, hashbrowns are like icing on the egg cake! 🙂

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